Talk Confidence To Me

When friends rallied behind my podcast idea, they didn't realize they were igniting a spark of confidence that would blaze through my life. Their support was a mirror, reflecting my potential back at me, and it set the stage for an incredible journey of personal empowerment and the art of surrounding myself with the right people. This episode is my open book, sharing tales from my path to finding assurance in my voice and the enlightening experiences that taught me to curate a circle of inspiring friendships. From the deceptive allure of social media to the authentic celebration of self through Boudoir photography, I dive into how we shape our own self-perception and the importance of authenticity over validation.

Our conversation takes a heart-to-heart turn as we navigate the intertwined paths of self-love and relationship boundaries. Every step towards showing up for yourself sends ripples through your life, affecting your interactions and well-being in profound ways. Listen in as I reflect on the mutual admiration among peers, the unexpected influence we have on others, and the power of staying true to our essence in the face of criticism. My sister's wisdom on maintaining integrity and approachability rings loud in this candid exploration—reminding us that no matter our status or the noise of naysayers, we are the architects of our reputation and relationships. We'll talk about setting boundaries, indulging in self-care, and the joy that comes from celebrating our personal victories, big and small. Join me in embracing the beauty of nurturing self-confidence and the transformative influence it has on our lives and the lives of those around us.

Chapters

• 0:00 Build Confidence, Choose Right People
• 13:29 Self-Love and Boundaries in Relationships

Transcript

Courtney: 0:00

Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Talk Podcasts to me. I'm your host, courtney Gilroy, and I just want to say thank you guys so far for all the love and support that you guys have been giving me. I love the feedback. I want to know what you guys want to hear from me. I want to know stories that you guys want me to tell. So I appreciate this and I'm just super excited to see how it grows.

Courtney: 0:23

Today I just wanted to talk about confidence, and last episode was about self-love and with that it goes into confidence. So I have previously shared about who you surround yourself with and that is a huge indicator of who you're going to be. For instance, like over the summer, I said I wanted to start a podcast. Not one of my friends said, alright, no one's going to listen to it. Like, why are you doing that? You already do so much. My friends were like that's awesome, can't wait to listen, like pushing it.

Courtney: 0:52

There's going to be some people in your life that you know and you don't want to say that. You don't want them to think that you're going to fail or something like you want to support system, but with that, just like relationships and all of that. People in your life can only meet you to the capacity that they feel for themselves. And my circle of friends all are just so motivating and we don't ever step on each other's toes or anything like. We really truly wish nothing but the best for each other and I've cut people out, and not in a bad way. I still will always be cool people, but you get less of my energy and you get less of me, because I want to put that into myself and that's like a huge thing, especially in the industry where I have to make women feel good about themselves and I'm surrounded by so many beautiful women and so many talented people and I, along the way, sometimes I've gotten just like insecure and I wasn't so confident and with that, if I have a group of people I'm hanging out with that are feeding into that, how am I going to grow? So not even just the people you surround yourself with.

Courtney: 2:07

It's also just how you feel about yourself and obviously as a woman, you know, get that time of month and you're not feeling so great about yourself, you're PMSing and you're like, oh, I feel gross, I don't feel great, I feel ugly, whatever. It's very easy to get wrapped up in that and then it just starts to grow from there, like the thoughts and all that. So you have to just know when to stop it and, yes, you can be PMSing. You're gonna feel like shit. You don't want to feed the negativity yourself that you don't look good or any of that like. You want to just feed the confidence to yourself and you know your skin looks good today or you got to work out and or just something positive and truly your confidence is going to come from how you treat yourself and also the people that you surround yourself with.

Courtney: 2:53

So and then I've talked about how I've gotten into the industry and all that, but along the way and it talked about the lack of confidence I've had while getting into it and I feel like it's so easy that people always like people ask me in my DMs, like they'll be like, oh, how did you get so confident and whatever, and like it's so easy to show that you're confident on social media and to show the highlight reels of your life. But it's very hard to just like hop on a story and be like, yeah, I'm actually not feeling so great today. Like you're not go, you're not gonna do that. Nobody really does that. So I for myself, I used to when I started doing the buddhar shoots. It really did it to make myself feel good.

Courtney: 3:34

But then I also realized that I was starting to do it because it was kind of a lack of confidence in my mind where I was just like, oh, like, I just want like a quick attention, and it's not about the attention that you're getting, because at the end of the day, if you feel a lack of confidence in yourself, you're going to attract the wrong people around you and if you feel great about yourself, you're not going to want those people around you that aren't. You don't want somebody to boost your ego or to feed your ego. You want somebody who just can tell you like hey, like get out of this rut, like why don't you feel like that's about yourself or like all of that, like you just want the realness. And I remember I was just talking to one of my friends and I was just like this isn't even like me, like I yes, I do spray tanning and I use myself as a model for to build the company up and the Boudoir shoots. But then I realized, like I'm doing so many Boudoir shoots, like what is this going to keep attracting men to my page. I don't want men to come to my page, I want women to come to my page. And with that I've noticed too, like if I keep posting Boudoir pictures, like I don't, girls aren't going to always want to see that, because sometimes and I'm there too we don't feel great about themselves ourselves. So why do I want to see somebody in a Boudoir shoe or whatever? So I really just changed up, like the dynamic of things that I post and don't get me wrong, I love my Boudoir shoots. They make me feel really good about myself.

Courtney: 5:00

But now, versus when I first started, now I post them for the authenticity of who I am and just empowering myself and to other women to do it versus when I first started doing it, I was in a place where I was newly single. I was just in a like why did this work out? I was blaming myself and I was doing it for the wrong kind of attention. And again along the way I just worked on a lot of myself and some self healing and just realizing that the more that I talk to myself in that aspect of almost like victimizing, like what's wrong with me, like what, like whatever you're going to keep attracting that. So then, when I really just started to just focus on myself and focus on my business and growing my business, it really truly helped me feel better about who I am and what I bring to the table and even just the authenticity of the things that I post.

Courtney: 5:58

Now I post a lot more makeup selfies and I do a little bit less Boudoir sometimes I will, but it's just a lot different now because, also, too, I'm like okay, if I'm going to get a boyfriend, they're probably not going to want me to post these things, but that's also another thing. If you, if I did get somebody, I would hope that they would support those things, but I don't want my confidence to have to come from me almost sexualizing myself for that. So, how I've worked on my confidence, I do a lot of self talking, like anytime I have like in my notes any like little achievement I've done for instance, started a podcast. That's an achievement for me. Whether it's successful or not, I write that down. Or it was a thought that I wanted to do and I finally did it last year getting 2023 best brightening accomplishment, how much glow has grown and the steady clientele that I've built and the reputable name I've built.

Courtney: 7:00

I write that down and sometimes again, where your circle is, some people will be like, oh, this is a little cocky of you, it's not. It's constantly reminding yourself of how hard that you've worked to get to where you're going. And if they're going to be like that, then you don't want them in your life. Like I have friends that if I do get in a rut or anything, I get very like oh, I'm not where this person is. Or you know, like I look up to this person and like, how, like, how do I do that they're like, but you did it in your own way and for me that went a long way and I really learned so much with that. Even like being in therapy of somebody else's journey, you only see the highlight reel and obviously I'm not going to go share the times where I doubted myself and I would be upset, and you know there's been.

Courtney: 7:54

When you own your own company and you are growing on your own and you really take a lot of leap of faith like there's some moments where you're like crying about it out of some happy tears and some sad tears, because you're just like it's overwhelming and it gets a lot like my job is for other people and my job is for the most important days and just for people to make themselves feel good. And it falls a lot on you sometimes, and sometimes you're literally dating your job and you don't have time for yourself. And then when you lack time for yourself and just having a moment and you're just constantly running around, you just get very overwhelmed. And there's been times where, like I've cried about it but I was happy because I was like, okay, my business is great and like I'm very happy about it. But I was like, oh, I just need that alone time.

Courtney: 8:39

So a lot of it is with confidence building is being able to be alone and to not focus on other people's success stories and how they got to where they are. And I feel, like with the beauty industry, like I'm surrounded by so many talented people, like I can name so many, and I look up to so many people. But I'm not going to bring myself down by looking up to these people with their own stories, their own success stories, their own failure stories. Like I'm my own person. I'm gonna look up to them as motivation to want to be as successful as them, but I'm not gonna hurt myself and my own feelings if I'm not where they are at the age that they're at.

Courtney: 9:28

And back to what I was saying about highlight reels of Instagram Instagram is all about power of perception and there's so many times that I feel like I've had people meet me in person versus my Instagram and like I don't look at myself in that aspect because I'm like I like to be in a sweatshirt and sweatpants. I'm currently in a sweatshirt and sweatpants. I like to just like chill and be cozy. Like versus things that I post. I'm not gonna post me in this sweatshirt and sweatpants all the time and it's so funny that some so many people are just like wow, you're really like very nice and very down to earth and I'm like it's all about how you perceive somebody else's Instagram and half the people that post like, like I said, I'm in the beginning in Boudoir pictures and whatever. Like you would have never guessed that I didn't feel great about myself or you wouldn't have guessed that I was where I was at mentally of just like oh, like not fully confident and I was just looking for the wrong kind of attention. Like you wouldn't guess that because of the way I was posting things.

Courtney: 10:30

So take social media as just a fraction of what it actually is, and that's why I feel like it's so hard nowadays, even to date, because I feel like so many people look at social media as something more than it actually is, but nobody's gonna go up there and go share a bad day Very rarely people do. You want to use it as a positive platform and share you know the journeys along the way, like there's a couple people that I follow that will share their failure stories and how they became successful, and you want to even look at who you're following and you want to mute the people that aren't feeding you positivity. And you can love them, admire them, whatever, but if you feel like you're often comparing your life to them even if it's me, who cares? It is what it is I.

Courtney: 11:28

There's like the times that I get into moods where I'm not feeling great or whatever. I'm PMSing and like some girl comes up on my page and she's beautiful. Again, I'm a girl's girl, like I'm full blown support, like I'm always hyping women up or whatever. But if I'm looking at someone that constantly, just I'm like oh, like wow, she looks great, her body looks great, like she's so pretty or they have a great relationship. I'm single right now, like, if that's not what I want to see right now, you don't have to unfollow them, mute them. They're not going to come up on your feed when you're ready. You can unmute them. But what you see and what you feed yourself every day is just going to constantly be how you feel about yourself and what you're telling yourself, because obviously what you're feeding your brain is going to be what you're talking about or like throughout the day and all that. So if you're feeding it negativity and you're feeding it comparisons to someone else's life, you're going to constantly be in a comparison mode.

Courtney: 12:23

So, for me, I would mute people and I would just again self talk to yourself, and sometimes I would even sit and do my makeup, even if I wasn't going anywhere, because that makes me feel good, or go for a walk, or listen to music, or I'd listen to a sermon, just anything to get yourself out of that. And you're the only person, truly, that is going to be your hype woman, not your family, not your friends, not your boyfriend, not your girlfriend, nothing. You are the only person that's going to show up for yourself, because you're the only one that knows your own emotions and you're the only person that is going to know how to get yourself out of that. So, like I said, if I'm in a bad mood or something, I just figure out a way to get myself out of that. If I'm really happy and I feel like I just did something successful or something that was a goal of mine, I'm writing it down and I'm I'm celebrating myself. I don't need the outside celebration, I need it for myself.

Courtney: 13:29

Like you have to show up for yourself, especially in relationships too. Like, if you can't show up for yourself, how are you going to show up for your partner? So it really just all goes hand in hand and self love goes a long way, because that ties into your confidence. And a lot of people always say, like, fake it till you make it. Like, why are you going to fake it till you make it? Because then, if you fake it, you're going to live in this cycle of faking it and making other people think that you're again power perception, that you're doing other things that you're doing instead of actually really doing that.

Courtney: 14:04

And there are times, too, where I'm like, oh, my god. Like I look up to a couple artists and I'm like, oh wow, like they like my work. And I would like in the beginning, where I like met them and I'm like wait, what Like you like my work, like you look up to me, and I used to be like how Like I look up to you. And then I realized like no, like we both should look up to each other because we're both successful people. And I even caught myself, like two weeks ago, where I was just like wait, what Like you look up to me because I look up to you? And I remember we got into like this whole conversation about this, because it's just like you never know who's really watching you and like all the things that you know you're achieving and how many people really look up to you. And I always say like this is the thing I always tell myself.

Courtney: 14:51

Like when I do put myself out there and things like with this podcast, like I say like 800,000 times and like is somebody gonna watch this and pick that out? Is this gonna make me stop doing the podcast because someone's out there picking it out? No, am I gonna keep doing this, because there's gonna be someone out there who this is inspiring and there's gonna be somebody out there who doesn't care. So I always look at things like there's someone out there that you're inspiring, whether you're on social media and have a platform or not, there's someone out there that you're inspiring in your life. There's someone out there who doesn't care. And there's someone out there that is probably picking you apart and they're probably being nice to your face, but you know what you're showing up for yourself and you're showing up for that person that looks up to you. And that's what I think of. Because if I feed into the people that don't care and if I feed into, how do I get them to care about me? Then I'm losing myself by trying to fill somebody else's void of like why they don't like me or whatever, or the person that is talking about this like. Again, am I gonna lose myself to try to get them to like me? No, I am totally okay with knowing that there's probably someone out there that's making fun of me doing this. There's probably someone out there who doesn't even care and not even listening, and there's probably someone out there who's gonna DM me and say that they love this episode. And that is the person that I'm doing this for and I'm doing this for myself because in years to come I'm gonna look back on this and be like, wow, look at how much growth I've had. So celebrate your victories.

Courtney: 16:28

Don't do things to try to get people to like you and be impressed by you and a lot of it. Honestly, like I've gotten bullied in high school. I've gotten bullied middle school. My sister was 11 years older than me and I remember I used to call her every day of elementary not elementary school, middle school and I'd be like does it get better? Like I just don't like it. I don't like the vibes I'm getting. I don't like the people that are here. Like I feel like they have to be mean to people, to like get some kind of power over you, and I don't like it. That's not who I am.

Courtney: 17:03

And I hear them talking about you know somebody in the band and I'm like why do they care so much? Like who cares they like to do? They like to play the clarinet or they like to do bands like whatever. Why are they making fun of them? And my sister was just like it's fine, like it's all gonna work itself out, like don't worry about those people. And she always like instilled in me to just focus on myself and be a good person, because if you're a good person, like that goes a long way and I've always said, like your reputation is key. I never wanted to be known as one of them. I always wanted to be myself and I always wanted to be that person that anyone could feel like they could talk to me. And I don't care like how big I would get or anything in this industry. I will always be that person. And whether I have two followers, whether I have 200,000 followers, I'm still always gonna be who I am, because I never want anyone.

Courtney: 17:56

And I always think back to when I was in seventh grade, like I didn't feel like I belonged in a group and I didn't feel like I belonged, even around all those people and like the cool people and whatever, like I never felt like I belonged in that. I always just felt like an outsider and I just was like I just want. I always wanted everybody to like me and I always think I was a good person. But then, like I didn't want to lose who I was and I always had that and I still again have that because I always want to be a reliable person for people to come to. Like my clients know that I will work until 12 o'clock in the morning if I have to, if it's a very important day and I want to be there for you. I want to help you, like, feel good about yourself, like I'm always putting everybody else sometimes before myself and, honestly, 2024, my goal is to start putting myself first and setting boundaries and all of that. And I am just proud of who I've become, even from when I was 21 and started doing these pictures and Instagram and building up the Talk Curly Me page. So I hope this episode really helped.

Courtney: 19:06

You guys just know to celebrate yourself, the little moments, the big moments, the just joy of life, and find little things in every day that will make you happy. And don't focus on other people and their opinions and what their stories are and their success. Don't lose yourself in trying to be like someone else. Focus on yourself, your goals, your aspirations, how you're going to get yourself there, and truly remember that there's somebody watching that is inspired by you. And if you don't remember that, listen to this podcast, because the people I follow I'm inspired by you all. The people I surround myself with, I'm inspired by you all. I won't surround myself with people that I don't feel like. I just feel like are stagnant, don't want to grow and be a nice person. Be a nice person to everybody because you really don't know what other people are dealing with Again, social media power perception you don't know what somebody's dealing with. On the other end, you don't know if they need that confidence boost and just need somebody to tell them that they look good. So be nice to everybody and really just focus on you and how you could show up to be the best person to everybody in your life. And also, again, just want to say thank you guys for listening and I know this is definitely going to be a short one.

Courtney: 20:40

I think the next one I'm going to talk about a funny, embarrassing story that happened to me. Talk to a confidence you know. Definitely the next one I'll talk about a funny, embarrassing story. Maybe I'll record that after this, I don't know. But I hope you guys have a great week and message me on either this platform or my talk really to me, tell me what you guys want me to talk about, and I really hope that you guys follow along this journey and have a great day. Bye, guys.